lunar eclipse and winter solstice in the same 24 hours. great time to offer some prayers. but here i am, in my "dining room" writing to you. it's been raining for like 58948320483 days, reminding me of my first year in SF. damn, that year sucked. so happy i made it. i think tiger and i will find a patch of earth later today and put down some prayers into the sweet dirt.
been feeling all weird lately. dont know if its the excess free time or if there's something pathophysiological going on. i like to palpate my carotid arteries. next time i see you, i'll show you how to do that. it's your life force. well...sorta. but im a drama queen, and i like to make everything more important than it may actually may be. life is juicier that way. and sheeeeettttt, we only get one mi vida loca. supposedly......
kinda feeling like shit. my mental health wasnt so good yesterday. im gonna blame it on the progesterone. PMS week. progesterone is the emo queen. kinda dont feel like socializing much today. unless someone wants to completely entertain me. and i think i have a headache from all the tamales that i've been digesting lately. my ribcage is visible again. damn girls and their weight issues. will we ever be happy?! hellllll yeah! starting......NOW! okay, i love my body. i love my bony protrusions. (repeat after me ladies: "i love my body. i love my insert body feature that you usually battle with) I heard on the radio yesterday (i love talk radio okay. thats why i dont jump and down at the club when a radio song comes on. because it's probably my first time hearing it) that when you say something out loud, there's more of a possibility youre actually gonna get it done. its harder to ignore yourself when you verbalize. so i think i may start talking to myself more than before. like instead of thinking, "okay mari, time to shower" im gonna start saying out loud, "mari, get yo skinny ass in the shower!"
im gonna dress up like a bag lady and walk my pitbull around the hood. how often can you say you did that? damn, dont be jealous! haaaa! im a ton of fun to kick it with, too bad i feel antisocial so often. wish i had money in the piggy bank for some symphony or philharmonic. strings and horns and a conductor waving around the baton make me feel like its all alright. no money for that kind of therapy. so i'll just go watch chapelle show in my living room.
p.s. i get to see my bf in one week. nyc for new year's. brrrrrrrrrr. colddddd. but yummmmmmmmm. lovvvveeeee. despite all the bullshit i've been thru, i still feel like the luckiest girl. sigh.
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