school assignments

I am not a member of an organized religion. Formal and documented belief systems don’t move or stir my soul. For me to be moved towards faith or a sense of enlightenment, I have to almost feel and experience it viscerally in my body. The sensation of spirituality that moves and resonates with me is not captured in a church service or bible passage. It is in the soil, the warmth of a fire, the remarkable beauty of a sunrise, and in the beauty of humanity.

            Both of my parents were raised Catholic and had my brother and I baptized and put through catechism classes to receive our First Holy Communion. Aside from these sacraments, religion was never emphasized or pushed on my brother and I. A relationship with God and all that is of a higher consciousness was always encouraged and nurtured. My parents, especially my father, were always sure to speak with us about the importance of prayer and the power of faith. The faith that was instilled in me was rooted in Catholic morals and Native American teachings. My multiracial ancestry has a strong Native American lineage from the southwestern United States. Along with the two aforementioned Catholic sacraments, I was taken to various indigenous ceremonies that nurtured my connection to my ancestors and to the Creator. It is this universal and holistic love and respect for all things that has guided me to my path as a compassionate learner and future nurse practitioner. 

chester copperpot

my mental health didnt feel so well today. gloomy cloud over my head kind of day. those days have become more frequent. call it a funk. a rut. a phase. yes, we'll call it that.

i've been able to identify two core fears driving these blues. 

1. fear that i'll never be a ____ or _____

2. fear that i dont have what it takes to get thru this grad program that's consuming my life and maybe my sanity

see how honest i am with you?! damnnnnn, and what have you done for me?? just kidding... 

anyway, these fears paralyze me sometimes on some days. to the point that i just wont study, wont do schoolwork, wont free myself from my preoccupations. this of course concerns me being an academic- integrity-kind-of-a-gal.

so im watching "goonies" and cooking dinner. im not even hungry. my appetite has been MIA which is also not a good sign. but i gotta eat. and i gotta study. but eating is more important right now. 

i never realized that chunk is really the hero in "goonies." if they had listened to him in the beginning that the fertellis meant trouble, they wouldve been spared all the drama. but then again, what a great adventure. and he saves them at the end too, with sloth. 

i liked what i heard yesterday from an old friend ("old" as in i met her in 2006. only 5 years ago, but shit, alot has happened since then), "we are the experts of our own experience." and how we are perfect the way we are in this moment.

how empowering. 

aromatherapy

lots and lots of schoolwork + laziness/lack of motivation= nothing accomplished.

im gonna blame it on the beckoning full moon, my own moontime, and the radiation.  these are my first world problems.

pollo loco

i realize i havent talked to you in a while so here i am. so now what? well i finally got my first bible paper out of the way. it was hard for me. but i got it done, so whatever. and i am definitely feeling more balanced this weekend. i stepped out into the nite air with angela on friday nite and then had lunch with old coworkers on saturday. we were once girls, and now we are girls with more responsibility and education. lauren said at lunch, "i feel like we all grew up together." we all worked together in 2006ish when we were all in between BA's and the next step of life. so now many of them have their master's degrees and a couple of them have fiances. i dont have either. but hey................i have organic chicken drumsticks defrosting in my fridge and thats more than most of the world has.
so another week will start tomorrow. another week will be done with after seven days and that is another week closer to my BF visiting and another week closer to being done with the semester and onto a new one. i dont really like how i am so "destination oriented" right now. i really should be more in the moment. i'll try, i promise. my first twelve hour shift at the hospital is gonna go down on wednesday so i gotta pack snacks galore. too bad i dont have money galore to go and buy snacks galore. but then again, there is the organic chicken....