vampire hours

i read somewhere that sharing details of your life with others activate happiness centers in your brain. and i'm all about increasing joy in my life. real, tangible, hardcore joy. we all need more of it. at least i do. but the thing is, the joy is already in us. we just gotta practice accessing it.
unfortunately, i don't have much detail to share with you right now. i'm waaay tired and it's waaay late. and i'm at work. since we last talked, i've taken up working night shift (formerly known as "graveyard" shift) and i sleep during the day and work at night, all night. many times, i barely sleep during the day so i walk around in a fog most of the time. foggier than usual.
it's back to the days of finding balance with my "outside" time. my "inside" time is pretty okay. i am the skilled introvert in an extrovert body. don't be fooled by the window dressing. my dad pointed out that i'm always on the go. he's right. but there's always so much to be done to feel whole. and i love my friends, and i wanna see them more. i have the next three days off from work. i plan on sleeping, eating, walking tiger, and maybe making it to trader joe's. hopefully something fun comes up.

tuesday

The holidays amplify and magnify dysfunction in families. ain't that the truth. Last night, my mother started her yearly frustration/depression surrounding the holidays. mostly due to her needs not being met. and who knows what else brings her down. we all carry alot of shit. some deeper than others. and my mother has always been half mystery to me. and half hero. and all love.

don't be stupid

”Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly…”

-Toni Morrison

black swan

had a dream that i was a ballerina dancing on the brooklyn bridge. it was my favorite dream in a long time. the flow and effort that dancing on pointe shoes required hypnotized me. i was waaaay into doing spins and little leaps in my graceful ballerina steez. i had a tutu and all that. sigh.
birth, death, and dreams can bring us so much more perspective that we give them credit for. when you truly pay attention to your dreams, your deaths, your births, ALOT of shit doesn't matter quite as much. it can be hard to deal with the pettiness of everyone and the complainers and whiners, but really-it's all just temporary. and alot of the time, it's not up to us anyway. hope that made sense.

hiatus

there are many reasons i have abandoned the blog.
too may to count right now.
soooo....
just watch this!
http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw

haiku

in nana's backyard
the spring sun hugged us softly
and birds sung sweetly

school assignments

I am not a member of an organized religion. Formal and documented belief systems don’t move or stir my soul. For me to be moved towards faith or a sense of enlightenment, I have to almost feel and experience it viscerally in my body. The sensation of spirituality that moves and resonates with me is not captured in a church service or bible passage. It is in the soil, the warmth of a fire, the remarkable beauty of a sunrise, and in the beauty of humanity.

            Both of my parents were raised Catholic and had my brother and I baptized and put through catechism classes to receive our First Holy Communion. Aside from these sacraments, religion was never emphasized or pushed on my brother and I. A relationship with God and all that is of a higher consciousness was always encouraged and nurtured. My parents, especially my father, were always sure to speak with us about the importance of prayer and the power of faith. The faith that was instilled in me was rooted in Catholic morals and Native American teachings. My multiracial ancestry has a strong Native American lineage from the southwestern United States. Along with the two aforementioned Catholic sacraments, I was taken to various indigenous ceremonies that nurtured my connection to my ancestors and to the Creator. It is this universal and holistic love and respect for all things that has guided me to my path as a compassionate learner and future nurse practitioner.